Stop Apologizing To Me!
I am here to tell you that it is OK that you do not want kids....it is OK.
It is a truth universally known that a couple who is married and in their thirties are in want of a baby. Unless- that is- they don’t. It is more and more common these days to see couples trotting around baby less and happy- and I want you to know, there is no need to apologize about it.
I cannot tell you how many times a week I talk to my single friends and they are complaining about these kids crying in the restaurant, or baby vomit on the beach- and they say these six words “I just do not want kids” followed with an immediate apology to me- the one person in their age group that has a child. That statement usually follows with a roll of my eyes and a “oh shut up” but honestly it makes me wonder what makes them feel like they have to apologize to me? Is it simply because I pro-created, or is it because I enjoy motherhood so much? Either way it needs to stop, everyone chooses the path that their lives will go on. Our decisions may be different, but I do not judge you for not following the crowd. You are an adult that can decide what kind of life you want to lead. If you want a kid have one- if you do not, then do not feel the need to apologize- especially to me because honestly I feel ya.
Do not get me wrong, I have wanted to be a mother since I was five years old. People would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would answer “Mommy”. There is something in my brain that has always made me feel like if I did not have a child I would not be complete. So having my son five years ago was the highpoint of my life thus far (I mean marrying his father was ok and everything). I had finally served my purpose in this world, and I am enjoying every minute of raising this little monster that we created.
However, parenting is not just all Pinterest crafts, and cuddling. You need to like- keep the kid alive and all that jazz. Plus, there is the notion that you want your child to be a good person- and not one of those douchebag kids you went to high school with- so you have to try and instill morals and respectability in a five-foot sociopath on top of everything else. All while keeping yourself sane, cleaning, cooking, working and occasionally going out and having a good time kid free. I can see why any married couple would take a vacation to Greece in lieu of that responsibility. While you guys are buying awesome tickets to concerts, I am drafting a financial plan for the braces I know my kid will need in ten years’ time. I’ll get to try out that brand new restaurant a month after everyone else because I am too busy working, trying to keep the house in a somewhat livable condition whilst making sure that the kid is doing that horrid packet of common core nonsense- oh yea I am also taking classes so I can understand what the Fu*k my kid is learning in school so I can help him with his homework. “Yea me.” She says in a none existent enthusiastic tone.
Spontaneity has gone to the sideline- never to be seen again until I am a golden girl. I have to set an appointment to have a romantic evening with my husband, and I spend more time with shitty PTA moms then I do with my own friends, I could go on and on. I am not trying to Martyr myself, I am just trying to tell you that I totally understand why you do not want children- I feel ya, sometimes I am even jealous of you, however I do not need you to apologize for your lifestyle choice- just like I do not apologize for mine.
I have given up much of my individual freedom for my child, but that was my choice. I would much rather be going to Sesame Place then to that new fancy restaurant, at least 99 percent of the time, and I am totally digging singing in my car with my son instead of bar crawling. Not everyone would enjoy these things as much as I do, and there is no need to apologize for that. Do not let society make you feel guilty for veering off the normal path. Go to those punk shows, spend your money on fancy shoes, and expensive vacations and enjoy every minute of it- because I am enjoying every minute of my life. Be happy- and for the love of god stop apologizing for it.